


Doomsday

by thatwhirringsound



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Doomsday Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 08:17:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/708560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatwhirringsound/pseuds/thatwhirringsound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They finally closed off Heaven to keep those dick angels out. But Dean's not sure if the cost was worth it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doomsday

He had begun to get that numb feeling again. That overwhelming feeling of missing half of himself and having no way to retrieve it. 

The burn of alchohol down his throat helped ground him, remind him where he was. But it didn't make the numbness go away. Just made it a little easier to handle. He could see the concern in Sam's eyes as he'd left Bobby's house alone, driving to the nearest diner so he could get away from the stares. He hated the pity in their eyes. Pity isn't what he needed right now. What he needed was a way to stop hurting.

Yet he couldn't forget. The memories were all he had and what kind of a person would he be if he just forgot? Not after everything.

* * *

 

_Dean held Castiel’s bleeding hand in his own, red lifeforce dripping into the bowl between them, the wind picking up as words older than man spilled out of the angel’s mouth. This was it. They were so close. Soon Heaven would be closed off and then they would be free. Free from carrying the burden of the world; free to pursue real lives. No more dick angels coming down to manipulate them. No more Naomis or Annas or Zacharias. Just good old humankind free from the divine as it had been freed from the damned of Hell so many months back._

_“Cas! When this is all over, I’m gonna make sure you get a good burger, okay? None of that cheap stuff, we’re gonna celebrate.”_

_The words faltered for a moment, hands squeezing tighter as his chanting picked up again. Then, all at once—_

_It stopped._

_And then the world exploded._

* * *

 

The waitress gave him an expectant look. 

"I'm sorry, what?"

She sighed, tapping her pen against the pad in her hand. "You gonna get anything to eat?"

"Oh, um, yah," he spared a brief look at the menu before ordering on memory. "I'll get one bacon cheeseburger and a double with onions and no tomatoes." 

She raised her eyebrow as her pencil scratched across the notepad. "Someone gonna be joining you, sweetie?" The slight smile that had made its way to his face suddenly dropped. How could he--

"Um, no. Just, forget it, I'll stick to the beer, thanks." He ignored her as she walked away. It was so easy to forget, so easy to fall back into the familiar. He swallowed thickly around a lump in his throat as he avoided looking at the empty seat across from him.

* * *

 

_It was as if a black hole had been punched into the sky, sucking everything in, and yet Dean felt no pull. Just the harsh whip of wind across his cheeks. But then the body across from him began to slip away and suddenly he understood. Understood why Cas had flinched away and become subdued every time he mentioned this moment. Understood why the angel was always looking at him as if he only had so long to remember his face. He understood and couldn't remember how to breathe for a moment._

_“Cas, no!”_

_He tried to hold on, but the[blood](http://anglosexualsunited.tumblr.com/post/41850478375) between them made keeping a grip so hard. And then he looked into his angel’s eyes and saw it there. He had known. He had known all along and still he hadn’t said anything. And deep down Dean had known as well, but he never wanted to believe it. He couldn't. Dean couldn’t go through this. Not again, not ever again—_

_“I’m sorry, Dean. This is the only way. Heaven must take back what belongs to it before it may close forever. I have to go back, it’s the only way you’ll be safe.”_

_Dammit he was not crying. This wasn’t happening. No no no—_

_“Please, Cas. Don’t do this to me. Not again. I can’t do this again. I need you!”_

_A small smile played out on the angel’s lips. He heard the unspoken declaration. It was all he needed._

* * *

 

A car horn startled him out of his thoughts and suddenly he found himself parked and out of the car on the side of the highway, staring at the trunk. When had he left the diner? He couldn't remember driving out here. The key in his hand taunted him as he looked at the sleek black exterior of the Impala. He had to just--it had been weeks since he'd been able to open it. Weeks since he'd--

Time seemed to move so slowly and too quickly as the trunk opened to reveal the two items hidden inside. The two things he could never let go of after it had all ended. The trench coat was folded neatly, cleaned and then stashed away so he wouldn't have to see it again. On top of it lay a single picture.

It was after Purgatory, before everything had gone so wrong with Naomi and Crowley. They had been after a spirit that could only be seen through photographs, so they'd gone in armed with polaroids (Sam had teased Dean mercilessly about how he'd looked with the thing hanging around his neck). On an impulse he had captured a photo of Cas, looking surprised, head slightly tilted, those blue blue eyes looking at him in fondness.

He'd never believed the saying 'you don't know what you've got until it's gone'. He had always been the kind of man to appreciate everything he had in his life, because he didn't know when it was going to end. But with him it was over too soon. They'd never had a chance, and it hurt, it hurt so bad knowing that.

He sat on the edge of the trunk, trench coat in his lap, picture in his hands. His hands ran over that face, tracing full lips, the strong jaw, that ridiculous hair. It wasn't until water dripped on the corner that he realized he'd started crying. Weeks of Sam and Bobby asking after him and it all finally came crashing down. The sobs wracked his body and damn it all to Hell it hurt so fucking bad. His heart felt like it was trying to claw its way out of his chest.

He hadn't even been able to say goodbye.

* * *

 

_“Dean, listen to me. I don’t have much time left. But I need you to know something, because I don’t know if I will ever see you again.”_

_“Whatever you have to say you can tell me later. Don’t you dare disappear on me, Cas.”_

_Castiel shook his head, a sad smile on his face. He could feel himself slipping away. This was it._

_“Dean,” green eyes met his and he knew that what he was doing was right. This was the man he would sacrifice everything for. He would wait a hundred years if it meant this man right here could be safe for one whole lifetime._

_“If this is my last chance to say it, I just wanted you to know—”_

_“Stop it, just stop it! You’re going to be just fine—”_

_“Dean Winchester, I lo—”_

_And then he was gone._

_And all Dean had left was the blood on his hands and an empty vessel to remind him that Castiel had ever been there._

* * *

 

That night Dean went to sleep with the trench coat tucked up against him, the smell of Castiel filling his nose. He dreamt of black wings and a deep voice and when he woke it was with the first real smile in a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I was rewatching Doomsday and having Destiel feels and this just kind of popped out. Oops.
> 
> [My Tumblr](http://forgottentrenchcoats.tumblr.com)
> 
> [Livejournal](http://whirringsounds.livejournal.com)


End file.
